The Only One
by trisgracefray
Summary: To her, I am like a brother. She trust me and she loves me like best friends should. But me? I am totally, and completely, downright in love with her. And she has no idea.
1. Chapter 1

_Click click. _I hear two knocks on my window. I smile to myself as I unlock and slide it open. "hey." She says, making her way past me and sitting on the bed.

"Go ahead, Tris." I laugh, "Make yourself at home." She knows I'm joking though, because she punches me in the arm. "How was it tonight?" I go serious, sitting down beside her.

She stiffens, biting her lip. "It wasn't that bad." Her voice is rough, distant. It always does when she talks about her father. "He didn't use the belt. How about you?"

I shake my head, "I beat Marcus home. I've been in my room since four. But no beating."

"Tobias." She whispers, her blue gray eyes meeting mine, "you haven't eaten anything since four? What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Hey," I place my hand on hers, and the same warming sensation goes through me that always does when I touch her, "I'm fine."

I've known Tris forever, since I was six and she was four. I'm her best friend. But one thing brings us together that most friends can't even compare to. Both of our mothers are dead, and our fathers abuse us.

She gives me a glare and leans her head onto my shoulder, "school starts tomorrow."

"I know."

"Maybe we don't have to go?" she asks. I know she's kidding, but the sound of staying home with her seems so appealing that I close my eyes. "Maybe we can stay here and watch like a whole season of something on Netflix?"

"I wish." I say, and I mean it. But the thought of Marcus finding out about me skipping… or Andrew Tris. I shiver. "But we can't."

"I know." She says, tightening her grip on my hand.

One thing is different about our feelings for each other though. To her, I am like a brother. She trust me and she loves me like best friends should. But me? I am totally, and completely, downright in love with her. And she has no idea.

"Tobias," she says, snapping me out of my gaze, "I should go. It's two o' clock.

"Alright," I stand, pulling her up with me. "You need me to pick you up?"

"please." She says, holding her hand out. I grin.

"Wear something pretty." She rolls her eyes. I smile again and put mine out as well. We shake each other's hand, and then I spin her around. She crashes into me, stifling a laugh.

"We haven't done that in forever!" she exclaims. And she is right. We made a handshake in third grade, and we probably haven't done it in three years. Since her mom died.

"I was just hoping you didn't forget it." I say, bringing her in for a hug.

She wraps her arms around me and squeezes. I feel my whole body heat up, starting where her hands are placed on the small of my back. "What kind of person do you think I am? I would never forget it."

"That is very encouraging." I say, combing her hair with my fingers.

She smiles and pulls away, "I'll see you tomorrow. Love you." and climbs back out of the window. Hopping off my roof and onto hers.

"I love you." I whisper, laying down on my bed. Slowly falling asleep, trying to imagine what it would feel like if she just added the I. _I love you._ Tris, there is a difference.

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**R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R **

**-riley**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay I am so sorry this update took forever! I usually update every week, but things... came up. **

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**(Tris POV)**

"I'm here." The voice says on the other end of my phone.

"Okay," I say, grabbing my back and slinging it over my shoulder, "I'm on my way out." I walk downstairs quietly, hoping Andrew has already left.

I turn the corner and check the living room. He hasn't. My stomach drops when he sees me. He folds the newspaper he was reading and straightens his posture. "Beatrice."

"Yes?" I say. It comes out shakier than I wanted. My knees start to wobble.

His cat eyes meet mine, and they are like daggers. My breathing quickens and I drop my gaze to the floor. "Is it the first day of school already?"

"Yes sir."

"You don't need a ride, do you?" he eyes me, and I know that even if I did need a ride, I should not ask him.

"No sir. Marcus's son is taking me." as soon as the words leave my lips, I bite my tongue. _Shit._

"Beatrice." He says, voice booming, "You know how I feel about that boy."

He stands and I take a step back, slamming into the wall. I wince. "Yes sir." My voice growing quiet. "He is just being polite. He offered so it would not inconvenience you."

"Marcus told me he is troubled." His eyes change from predatory to compassionate. No longer are they the eyes that have beaten me unconscious countless times. No longer are they the eyes that have whipped me more than embraced me. They are now caring and fatherly. They are eyes that match the mask of Andrew prior, widow, dad, and associate of Marcus Eaton. It repulses me. "I do not want you following down that path."

I swallow down my urge to scream. He doesn't know Tobias. He doesn't know how caring he is, or how protective he is. He doesn't know that Tobias is the best person I will ever meet. Andrew doesn't know anything about him.

I nod anyway, knowing the consequences of defying. "Yes sir."

"Get to school Beatrice." His eyes skirt me again, without the mask. "And I am having company over tonight. Do not let me see you."

* * *

When I open the door, I find Tobias in the driveway. "Hey," I say, "sorry. Andrew was still there and…" I trail off, noting his distant expression. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he says, climbing into the car, "I just… just slept on my neck wrong."

I climb in the passenger seat, "you're _lying._" I take his hand. This used to be a friendly gesture. Familiar and comforting. But lately it sets me on edge and sends shivers through my spine. "What happened?"

"The window," he starts, sitting awkwardly so his back doesn't touch the seat, "I left the freaking window open last night."

I meet his eyes, "I'm sorry. I should have closed it when I left-"

He cuts me off, his tone firm. "No. stop, Tris you always do that."

"Do what?" I ask, he squeezes my hand. My stomach tightens at his touch, "What do I always do?"

"You always blame yourself even though it's not your fault. So don't."

"Tobias," I say as he starts the car. "I didn't close the window last night. It's my fault!"

He shakes his head, "Tris, even if I did close the window, he would find something else to scream at me for! You know that." And I do, Marcus is ten times worse than Andrew. I just hate to admit that he is right. Changing the subject, I shift in my seat, "Andrew is having company over tonight. Is Marcus coming?"

"Yeah, he is." He scratches the back of his neck and a surprising thrill goes through me when his muscles bulge through his t-shirt. "Depends on if he is in a good mood or not if I can come."

I pinch my mouth together as he pulls into the street. I don't remember the last time Tobias was _allowed_ to come to my house. We haven't seen each other basically all summer because Andrew thinks he is a bad person and Marcus is just an asshole in general. So recently we have been drifting apart as friends, but I feel like maybe there is more to our relationship. Or maybe it's just me.

We ride in silence the rest of the way. But it's a comfortable quiet. One of my favorite things about Tobias is he isn't curious. He knows if there is something I want to tell him about, I will tell it. He doesn't treat me like I'm precious china. He doesn't coddle me. And even though I'm sure he would like to ship me as far away from Andrew and other... things, he doesn't show it. He insist that I am strong and whole and powerful. And sometimes, I believe him.

"I will see you at lunch," he says, as we climb out of the car. He eyes the red corvette a few rows away. "I will let you and Christina _catch up._" smirking, he walks away from me and towards the front doors of the school.

Before I can protest, Christina, my best girlfriend, stands before me. "So is there a reason you're wearing sweatpants on the first day of school?"

I shrug, "maybe I was cold. Maybe I did it to annoy you."

She rolls her eyes, and then her face turns serious. I know where this conversation is going, "so did you and four…" She wiggles her eyebrows.

_"_Christina," I say, setting my jaw. She asks the same damn question every single day, "He is my best friend."

I start to make my way past her but she grabs my wrist, I cringe in pain. "That wasn't a_ no_."

"No Christina" I say, beyond annoyed, "we didn't. I have to get to class." I slide past her and this time, she lets me go.

I walk into my first class aggravated. Christina knows that Tobias is my best friend. I understand where she was coming from freshman year, I mean we spent every second together. But we're juniors now. Nothing has ever happened between Tobias and I. ever. Not once. You would think that she, along with all of our other friends, would finally understand that we don't love each other in _that_ way.

My thoughts are broken by a hand sliding down my arm. I stiffen at the voice, "Tris. I've missed you."

I take a deep breath and turn around. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Not him. Anybody but him. I clench my teeth together.

He smirks as his shiny hair falls into his face, "oh come on! Don't act like you aren't excited to see me." My heart starts to pound as he narrows his face closer to mine, "and don't act like you don't remember."

I bite my lip, stopping it from wobbling, "peter, get away from me."

He smirks again, and it sends ice shivers through me. "I'll see you around." he walks away, but his presence stays with me long after he is gone.

Lunch could not come soon enough. It's not like I'm hungry, I never am, but it's the only time during the school day I get to see Tobias. So I take what I can get.

I find a table where my other friends are. Uriah, Christina, Will, Marlene, Zeke, Lynn and Shauna are already there. Uriah greets me with his usual smile, "hey Tris!"

I smile tightly and sit down beside Christina. So far, today has sucked so I don't feel like talking. But to be fair, my days always suck. They must notice because they don't pay any more attention to me and go back to the conversation. I zone out, waiting impatiently for Tobias to come.

Soon enough, he slides into the seat next to me. "Hey," he says, voice hushed. "What happened?"

I grin and look up at him, "what makes you think something happened?" _god, he can read me like a book._

"You're being awkward and disengaged from social activity." He smirks, raising his eyes to meet mine.

"Peter," I whisper, chewing my lip, "peter happened."

The humor drains from his expression and he sets his jaw. Scanning the cafeteria, he sits stiff, "I swear to god. Tris did he-"

"No. no nothing happened." I say, getting closer to him, "he's just in my pre-Cal class."

He relaxes slightly, "Tris I'm serious. Be careful." His eyes meet mine again and I take note again of how deep they are. Full of secrets and lies that I only know the truth about, but they also take me to safe places, I could get lost in them forever.

"There is no way they aren't dating!" Zeke shouts, snapping me back to reality.

I glare at him, but he started a topic that our friends could talk about for days, "I know!" Marlene says, "Tris doesn't say anything to us but the minute four shows up she can't shut up."

"And," Christina blurts, "they were whispering in each other's ear." She grins at me and I look to Tobias, giving him my please-deal-with-this look. He eyes her, and she sits back in her chair.

"All I'm saying," Zeke starts again, "is something spicy has happened, or is going to happen between you two. It's just hard to believe you haven't made a move on her yet Four!"

Tobias stands, fist clenched. He runs a hand through his hair and turns to walk away. I don't chase after him, he wouldn't want me too. For some reason, this has always been a touchy subject for him.

"What's his problem?" Lynn asks.

I pinch my lips together and then look up at all of them. Their eyes are all glued to me, awaiting an explanation. "He is my best friend. He has been my best friend since kindergarten. Nothing has ever happened between us." I take an exasperated breath, "all of you have been insisting since ninth grade that we should date. And it's really irritating that the only conversation that you guys ever have is if we are in love with each other or not. And Zeke," I say, standing up, "what the hell?"

Zeke's face reddens, and I make my out of the cafeteria. The only thought racing through me is, _what if their right?_

* * *

**SO SIDE NOTE BUT IF YOU HAVE READ TMI SERIES CASSIE CLARE PUT SOMETHING ON TWITTER SAYING THAT COA WILL BE PUT IN PRODUCTION SOON I CANT BREATHE HELP **

**r&amp;r&amp;r&amp;r**

**-riley**


	3. Chapter 3

**hello! SO SORRY THIS UPDATE TOOK FOREVER BUT LIFE GETS IN THE WAY SOMETIMES...**

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**(Tris POV)**

"Christina, I don't want to go." I complain in the school parking lot. She is inviting me to her back to school party.

"Tris, pleaseeeeeeee." She whines, tugging on my arm. "It will be fun! And when was the last time you went to a party? It was freshman year! Come on, live a little. We're juniors now!"

She's right. The last time I went to a party was almost four years ago. But of course, I've always had a reason. If Andrew ever found out... I shiver. But it's not like I have ever wanted to go to one. I hate the kids at school, other than my close circle of friends. So why would I want to spend more time outside of school with people I can hardly stand? And the only party I ever went to was… well awful. It might have been the most awkward thing in my life, and it ruined a friendship for a good year.

I try to one more time, "my dad will never let me go." I have never told her about my home life, and I never will, but she gets the concept of Andrew being extremely strict.

She rolls her eyes, "just do what you always do and say you are spending the night at Four's house or something. Tris, I really want you to come!" I bite my lip and exhale. I have to go, no matter how much I protest. "Fine."

She grins at me and struts away as Tobias's arm slides around my shoulder.

**(Tobias POV)**

"So are you going to Chris's party tonight?" Zeke asks me as I close my locker door and head for the school exit.

I shrug, "I don't know, maybe." Sometimes I like hanging out with Zeke. I like drinking a little and talking about pointless things. But parties are a totally different issue. Kids end up doing stupid things and the atmosphere is too overwhelming. But unlike Andrew, Marcus could give a shit what I do. As long as I'm out of the way for his stupid meetings, I am fine for a night or two. It really just comes down to if Tris is going. I can't leave her alone in the house, especially on a council meeting night. And in all honesty, I wouldn't enjoy myself without her.

"C'mon Four!" he pleads, "we never do anything fun anymore! Remember freshman year? We would party all the time!" he is right. Freshman year was different though. Marcus was traveling for nine months so I basically lived with Zeke in what he called 'the legendary bachelor pad.' But also, Tris and I where kind of in a rough spot in our relationship. Her mom had just died, and Zeke threw a party to start the year off. So I invited her to go, to get her mind off of things. Well, one thing led to another and Zeke dared me to kiss her. So I did. But instead of kissing me back she sort of froze, and then got up and left. So instead of going back to normal, things got really awkward between us and stayed like that all year.

Things got better though, for a while at least. Sophomore year came along and she started dating this guy Peter. I hated him from the beginning, but I didn't say anything because 1.) I thought my judgment was clouded by jealousy. I have been in love with her since seventh grade, after all. And 2.) She was happy, and that's all that really matters to me.

But things with peter got bad. He started forcing her to have sex. The first time she refused, he raped her practically. But she never told me until they broke up. So she sort of went into a depression after that and shut everyone out except me. All the while her dad beat the living crap out of her every night. I cringe just thinking about it.

We make our way to the parking lot where Tris and Christina are standing. I get my keys out of my pocket and look at him. "I'll let you know if I can come"

He eyes Tris, "gotta make sure the love of your life is willing to go, otherwise there is no point." He winks at me and I clench my fist. He is the only person who I have told about my feelings for Tris. And sometimes, I wish I never have revealed it to him. Especially today at lunch.

As he walks away I walk up beside Tris, Christina walks away immediately. I don't mind though, the girl has a huge mouth, and needs to learn to shut up sometimes.

"We need new friends," Tris whispers as I wrap my arm around her shoulders.

"agreed." I smile and unlock the car. We both climb in. "so are you going tonight?"

She chews her lip, "I mean I guess, yeah. But I don't want to. Like at all. And tonight everyone is coming over so I could sneak out, but…" her eyes meet mine, and dread lights them up.

I take her hand, "Tris we don't have to go. I will do whatever you want. We can watch a movie at my place. We can stay on the roof. Or we can go. As long as I'm with you, I can do whatever.

Her fear stricken eyes meet mine again, but they change to longing. She smiles grimly at me, "we will figure it out. And Christina said that I had to go this time."

I kiss her forehead, "okay. Tris prior is going to a party, I can't believe it."

She smirks and slaps my shoulder, "just go."

I pull out to the street and make my way home.

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**Sorry for the short chapter!**

**R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R****-riley**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi**

* * *

**(Tris POV)**

I walk in the door and take a deep breath. Andrew is home early, which is never good. I tell myself that he preparing for the meeting tonight, but I know that's not true. He's here, and he is angry at something.

I step into the house. _Please don't notice me. Please, please, please don't notice me. _The door creaks, I swear to myself. "Beatrice?" the voice booms, my insides shatter.

"Yes sir?" I say, walking into the kitchen. I keep my posture straight, knowing how much he hates a slouch.

He is holding the home phone, mouth tight, a fuming expression on his face. "The call," he spits, starring daggers into me, "is for you." He drops the phone in my hands and leaves the room. My fingers tremble.

"h-hello," I stutter.

"Tris!" the voice exclaims. Christina.

I try and relax, even though it feels as if my ribcage is going to collapse in my body. "Chris how did you get my house phone number?"

I can see the image of Christina rolling her eyes in my mind, "you weren't picking up your cell, so my mom told me to try the phone book. Did you know it has every phone number in Chicago all in one book? Cool right?" she laughs, "anyway. I came to tell you that the girls are meeting at my house at seven to get ready and you're coming."

I sigh, "Okay. But um I really have to go. I will see you later Chris." I hang up the phone and attempt to sneak upstairs. I fail.

"Beatrice, come here." My knees wobble and I make my way to Andrew's study.

I stand just outside the open door, "y-yes sir." I bite my lip.

"Who was that on the phone?" his eyes meet mine. I drop my gaze to the floor.

"My friend from school." I put my hands in fist to keep them from shaking, "she wants to have a study group tonight. I was wondering if I could go."

"What time would you be home?" he asks, and I know I have to answer him quickly or he will not believe me.

"Ten thirty."

"Yes, you can go. Please go do your homework." He turns back to his computer and I feel the pressure leave me. I walk upstairs to my room and all I feel is relief. Until I hear the moan.

* * *

**(Tobias POV)**

I park my car and walk inside. The only thought that races through my head is Tris. Why was Andrew home early? What if she can't go tonight? What if Andrew finds out about anything Tris has done the past three years? The questions distract me and I don't see the figure in the living room until it calls my name. "Tobias."

He spins the glass of whiskey slowly. The light reflecting off as it shines on the ground by his feet. "Yes sir?"

"How was school?" a simple question. One that a normal teenager should expect his father to ask him. One that shouldn't send fear prickling down my spine.

"It was fine." I say, but it comes out like venom. He notices.

"Tobias," he whispers. His voice is ice cold. "Go upstairs. I will meet you there."

I nod, my mouth in a firm line. I feel nothing. I walk up the stairs. I hear nothing but the ringing in my ears. I walk into the room and sit on the bed. I am nothing. And when he comes in, belt in hand, I think nothing. The only sound I hear is the moan escaping my mouth as the last whip of leather tears my bare back. And then, nothing.

When I wake, I am lying face down on my bed. My shirt is off and the pain in my back is blinding. I try to move, but a familiar hand stops me. "Don't move," she says, her voice is strong. "I'm not done cleaning it."

Tris.

She finishes and I feel a small relief of pain. I stand carefully, wincing as my back twist. "thanks." I whisper.

She doesn't respond. She looks me in the eyes and asks the silent question: _are you okay?_

I nod and she sits down beside me. "I'm going to Christina's at seven. What time are you coming?"

I smile, "you get to go?" she laughs.

"He thinks I'm going to study. But I still don't want to go." She rest her head on my shoulder

"I'm sorry." I say, the hairs on the back of neck rise. I scratch them.

She furrows her eyebrows and faces me. "About the party? No this isn't your fault-"

"No Tris." I interrupt her, "about the party freshman year. I uh… I never apologized for what happened. So I thought I should tell you before tonight because I am sure that our friends are going to pull something. I was a drunk sophomore and I wasn't thinking and I should have just took my jeans off and I'm really sorry."

She meets my eyes and stands, walking over to the window she smirks, "the only reason I was mad is because you were drunk." She spins around and climbs through the window, leaving me at a complete loss for words.

* * *

Four hours later I'm sitting a circle in Christina's house with Shauna, Zeke, Lynn, Christina, Will, Uriah, Marlene, and Tris. Chris kicked everyone out that wasn't part of our 'group' so now we are about to play truth or dare. Tris bites her nails nervously beside me.

"Okay!" Christina says, clapping her hands together, "let's get started. Uriah, truth or dare?"

"dare." He smirks.

"Fifteen shots." Christina grins.

Uriah eyes her, "I have work tomorrow morning Chris!"

She rolls her eyes, "that sounds like a personal problem. Either do the dare or strip, I don't care.

He exhales and pours the vodka into fifteen glasses. Christina laughs and leans into will. Uriah downs thirteen pretty quickly, to my surprise. But he struggles on the fourteenth one, finishing it in with three breaks, wincing after each swallow. He picks up the last one with trembling fingers, raising the glass to Christina, "fuck you." And he chugs it without a second glance.

Uriah sets the glass downs and scans the group. "Will! Truth or dare buddy?"

"Truth. Your dares are the worst." And he's right, we have a video of Shauna running naked through the streets because of Uriah.

"Pansycake," Uriah whispers, "how far have you gone with Christina?"

Will turns beet red, "all the way..."

Uriah snorts, "Sorry I couldn't hear you." He cups a hand over his ear.

"Uriah I know damn well you could hear me and it's my turn. Zeke, Truth or dare?"

Zeke grins, "dare please."

He whispers something to Christina. She giggles and stands, making her way to the kitchen. When she comes back, there is a roll of duct tape in her hands. "Strip into everything but your boxers." Will says.

Zeke gives him an incredulous look, "for someone who makes all A's in school, you sure are an idiot." He takes off his shirt.

"All right!" Zeke says, "It's my favorite part of the night ladies and gentleman. Tris…" she stiffens. _Oh god. _"You know the question."

She bites her lip, "dare."

Zeke wiggles his eyebrows, "kiss your bestfriend."

Her eyes widen and she squeezes the hem of her shirt. But then I see the familiar gleam in her eye. She smirks, leans back and runs a hand through her hair. "Which one?"

Zeke laughs, "Which one do you think? I mean I'm sure as hell Christina isn't the one in love with you."

I clench my jaw, "Zeke."

Tris looks away from Zeke and turns to me. "Tobias…" her voice is a whisper. I bite my lip. "You're in love with me?"

I stand, starring daggers into Zeke. His lighthearted eyes turn wretched, "Four I'm sorry. It slipped. I'm-"

I shake my head, "don't. Just… don't. I'm leaving."

"Tobias wait!" I hear Tris shout, but I slam the door before I hear anymore.

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**so sorry the last half of this chapter sucked but I suck at stuff like that:(**

**R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R**


	5. Chapter 5

"Tobias wait!" I shout. The door slams, interrupting me of anything else I was going to say. I turn to Zeke, "I don't know what just happened, but you need to learn to shut your mouth. I'm serious."

He meets my eyes, "Tris I'm sorry. It just came out-"

"Save it." I spit, turning and running for the door. I sprint into the streets, stopping Tobias' car from going any further.

"Tris," he says, rolling his window down, "I don't want to talk about it."

I chew my lip, "Tobias please just get out of the car."

He swears to himself but gets out anyway. "I seriously have nothing to say."

I step closer to him, but he steps back. "Is what Zeke said true?"

"Tris." He whispers, "Please don't."

"Tobias answer the question goddamn it!" I shout. He finally meets my eyes.

His blue eyes, which are normally solid and steady, are now filmed over with water. "Yes Tris, Zeke is right. Yes, I am in love with you. And yes, every time I see you or think about you I want to tell you that I have been in love with you for seven whole years. _I am in love with you_. And this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. So," he says, taking a shaky breath, "there you go. I'm sorry that Zeke ruined the only good thing in my life and I'm sorry that you don't feel the same way."

He opens the door to his car and climbs in. I want to yell at him for lying all these years. I want to tell him that everything will go back to normal and we can forget about this. But the thing that I want most, I realize, is the desire to connect my mouth to his.

Before I can say anything though, he shuts the door and speeds away. And I'm left standing in the middle of the street, on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

* * *

I get home at twelve. I almost laugh. This day could not get any worse. Not only am I going to be beat unconscious, I lost my only reason for living as well.

I open the door, bracing myself for the booming voice, the steel knuckles, and the searing rip of skin on my back. I swallow my screams of terror.

I close it silently. All the lights are on, but I don't see Andrew anywhere. Fear prickles down my neck. As I make my way to the steps, I see him. Lying face down on the couch, empty bottle of whiskey on the ground by his hand. Passed out. Drunk. _Thank god._

I run upstairs before he could get the chance to wake. I close my door silently and throw myself on my then, do I begin to sob uncontrollably.

It has been six days since the party. And they have been the worst six days of my life. Tobias hasn't spoken to me. He sits at our table at lunch but totally isolates himself. I tried going on the roof to talk to him, but he didn't even look out the window. Andrew hasn't beat me at all, though, which could be a plus. But I would take a belt to the back every day if I could have one more conversation with Tobias.

But then Andrew barges into my room. I stand, on edge from his presence. "Beatrice." His voice is low, lethal.

"Yes sir?"

"What time did you get home Friday night?" he asks me, lips pursed.

I bite my lip, "ten thirty."

He slaps me across the face with one quick swipe of his arm. I wince but don't cry out. "I do not tolerate liars in this house. So I am going to ask you again. What time did you get home Friday?"

I swallow, every ounce of my being wants to shrivel up and die. But he wants an answer, it does not matter if I tell the truth or not, I will still have to face the next blow. "I'm not lying. I got home at ten thirty. I promise." I bite tongue and taste copper. Blood. It seems fitting.

"Your shirt." He says, scanning my body. "Take it off." I feel bile form in my throat.

"Dad…" I whimper, "please don't." _please, dear god, no_.

"Beatrice," he yells, sending a ringing through my ears, "Take. It. Off."

My fingers tremble but I oblige. I pull off my shirt and stand before my father, in my bra. It's sickening. "Dad _please_."

"Get on the bed." But I can't move I feel a tear roll down my cheek, but I don't wipe it away. I can't do anything. So when he pushes me down, and starts to unbuckle his pants, I am to frozen to stop him. The only thing I hear is the sound of my wails of terror, echoing through the entire house. To shut me up, he punches me in the head. I fall into darkness.

* * *

"Tris." I groan and roll over. But the voice is deep. It takes me to safe places. I open my eyes.

"Tobias," I whisper, "what are you doing here?" my voice trails off when I see I'm in one of his shirts, nothing else. The events from earlier flood my mind and I look at him wide-eyed.

"Tris, what happened?" he asks me. He reaches for my hand, pity filling his eyes. I pull mine away.

"Get out." I say sternly, biting my lip to keep it from wobbling.

But he stays in place, boring his eyes into mine.

"Tobias get out! I don't want you to see me like this. Get out, get out get out!"

"Tris-"he says, biting his trembling lip.

"_No_. I just got raped by my dad and you haven't talked to me in a week and I'm mortified and disgusted and I…" I let out a sob, "I thought lost you!" I moan at him. "I thought I lost you."

He clenches his jaw, stands, and makes his way over to me in two long strides. "I'm sorry. I know. _I'm sorry._"

He is so close to me. I can see the small scars around his mouth and eyes. And I can smell how masculine he is. I forget about everything. I forget about my dad and the party. The only thought racing through my head is how close his lips are to me. Or how deep his eyes are. Or how his hold on my waist is protective and strong and everything that he is. I manage to choke out two small words, "kiss me."

He lets out a small breath and leans in close, our lips almost brushing when he speaks. "finally."

He slams his mouth against mine.

* * *

**R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R**


	6. Chapter 6

**(Tobias POV)**

Tris and I spend the rest of the night on my roof. I don't know about her, but it's my favorite place to be. It is hidden from the window and it secludes me from the view of the street. I can almost forget that I'm trapped in a torturous hell hole. _Almost._

"Tris," I whisper.

She turns her head, blue-grey eyes vibrant. "Yeah?"

"what happened…" I clear my throat nervously. I don't know how to approach something like this. "Why did your dad-"

"I don't…" she interrupts, biting her lip, "I don't really want to talk about it."

I sigh inwardly. "Okay."

She grins, "That's it? No fight? You're not gonna pester it out of me?"

I shrug, "you don't want to talk about it, so we won't talk about it."

She gives me a grateful smile and slides closer me. I wrap my arm around her. Part of the reason I didn't tell her about my feelings for her is I didn't know what would happen if she _did_ feel the same way. Would we go back to normal? Or would things be awkward and tense between us?

We sit in silence for a while. I am used to the quiet though. It is one of my favorite things about Tris. We don't have to talk all the time, sometimes I just like being next to her.

"I was nine." Tris chokes out, "the first time."

I don't respond. I look at her and smooth my hand down her hair. Even though she has been through so much, she looks strong. She _is_ strong. She is the reason I am strong as well.

"But he has done it four times since then." Her voice cracks and she bites her lip, stifling a sob.

I pull her closer and she rest her head in the crook of my neck. "It's wrong." I whisper. "It's wrong that your mom is dead and your dad is an immoral bastard. And anyone who tells you it's okay is a liar, Tris. It's just all so wrong and fucked up. And I'm sorry I can't save you from it."

She tilts her head up, "your life sucks pretty badly, too."

I smile and touch my forehead to hers, "I can't argue that."

She pulls away slightly, "Tobias… um what are we?"

I narrow my eyes at her, "what do you mean?"

She purses her lips and runs her hands up and down her bare arms. "I mean, are we still friends or are we dating or…" she trails off and darts her eyes away from mine.

"Is that what you want?" I ask.

"Don't do that." she says sternly, "not all of this is up to me."

"I think we both know what I want." I say, chills running up my arms from the cool summer air.

She grins and brings her face closer to mine. I feel her breath on my lips. "And what is that?"

I close my eyes and start to bring my lips to hers, slowly. Her hands grip the fabric of my shirt and pull me closer. My mouth meets hers softly and she smiles. My spine tenses and I move my hands to her hips. Goosebumps go up my arms when she grips my hair. I am fire and ice all at once.

She pulls away, beams, and makes her way back to her window, waving once it is closed.

* * *

**(Tris POV) **

The next morning, I wake up silly light. Despite everything that happened with my dad, I am for once truly happy.

Once I am dressed, I head out to my car. I start to climb in, but then Tobias walk out of his house.

He sees me and grins. I wave him over and he strides to me, climbing into the passenger seat. "Hey."

I bite my lip, the nagging thought running through my mind again. "How are we supposed to act around our friends?"

He rolls his eyes and faces me, a boyish smirk on his lips. "Tris, you're overthinking this."

"No, I'm not." I say sternly. I avoid his eyes, knowing I would get lost in their dark blue depths. "I mean you are supposed to be super pissed at Zeke and are you seriously going to give them the satisfaction of being right about us?"

"Let's just let them figure it out." He says.

"It's not that's simple." I protest.

He slides his nose along my jaw. I close my eyes. "Act like we used to, but sappier." His nose touches mine, "and sneak looks at me every now and then. You will be fine. I promise."

I smile and kiss him quickly, "okay."

* * *

**IM SO SO SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT**

**R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R**


	7. Chapter 7

T**ris POV**

Most of the school day goes by quickly, but then lunch comes. I make my way into the cafeteria and sit in my usual seat beside Christina.

"Hey guys." I say to the group.

They all start to say their hellos, but something stops them. I look behind me.

Tobias slides his hand along my shoulder and sits down. "hey." He whispers.

Zeke looks from me to Tobias, puzzled. "Did I miss something?"

I hide a smile and manage to stare blankly at him. Tobias' hand rest at the top of my knee. I look up at him.

"So you guys are friends again?" Marlene ask, narrowing her eyes.

I bite my lip and stifle a laugh, "Mhm." He squeezes my knee harder.

Christina scans my eyes. I pull my lips into my mouth and try to hide my amused expression. She sits back in her chair, "something's up. Spill it."

"Um? Spill what?" I ask innocently.

She rolls her eyes, "explain his hand on your knee. I'm not blind, you know."

Tobias' hand immediately releases my leg. I stare blankly at her, "look I thought we were done with this."

She scoffs, "no. Come here." She grabs my arm and pulls me out of my seat, dragging me outside the cafeteria.

"Christina," I whine, yanking my arm free. "What are you doing?"

"What the hell is the matter with you?" she whispers fiercely.

I shake my head in total confusion, "what are you _talking_ about?"

"Tris. Wake up!" she snaps her fingers in my face, "Your incredibly hot best friend confessed his love for you. How are you guys not hooking up? Like this is one of those cute romantic movies where the childhood best friends fall in love and live happily ever after!"

"Happily ever after's are way more complicated than you think, Chris." I look down and pick at my fingernails. She could never understand what Tobias and I go through, even if I told her.

She bites her lip and smiles grimly, "I just find it hard to believe that you don't have feelings for him."

"Well I don't," I say, biting the inside of my cheek. "Okay?"

She grins, "You're lying! Tris you like him, don't you?"

_Shit._ "I uh, it's not like that."

She smiles innocently, "are you free tonight?" rolling her eyes she adds, "of course you are. Be ready to go on a date at seven."

"Christina-"I protest.

She puts a finger to my lips, "no. you are not getting out of this. Love you." she waves and struts away.

I lean my head against the wall in frustration. I mean I don't mind going on a date with Tobias, it's just I can't really see it happening. I feel like we don't need to go through all of the sappy, romantic, awkward, first date type thing because we have known each other our whole lives. But it could be fun, and it will get me out of the house. i shrug and make my way to my last class.

* * *

School ends later that day and Tobias climbs in my car. "Are you free tonight?" he asks.

I raise my eyebrows, "is this a real question or is it one that Christina is making you ask?"

He grins, white teeth flashing, "mmm, both."

I bite my lip, meeting his eyes. I don't know when I started to feel this way about him, but whenever I see him or talk to him or someone says his name, my stomach twist and I can't breathe well. It's terrifying to care about someone this much, because loving only leads to heartbreak and suffering. But I can't stop feeling the way I do. And I don't think I want too.

"Tris?" he ask, poking me in the shoulder. "Hello?"

I perk up, my cheeks bushing red. "What? Yeah sorry."

"I asked if you wanted to go eat dinner tonight?" he laughs.

"Yeah, that's fine." I smile and turn back to the road, my face hot.

I feel his eyes on me. i tap my fingers nervously on the steering wheel. "We don't have to go, Tris."

"no." i say, turning into my driveway, "I want to. It's just funny to think we are going on a date." I grin. "I mean if you would have told me that last year I would have laughed."

He looks away, biting the inside of his cheek.

"What?" I ask, putting my hand on his. "What did I do?"

He shakes his head, "nothing. I'll pick you up at seven. Okay?" he opens the car door and tries to get out.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." I pull on his arm, yanking him back in. "what? I said something that bothered you. Talk."

"It's just I feel like this…" he scratches behind his head, "never mind. Forget it. It's stupid."

"Tobias no it's not stupid." I pull my legs into my lap. "Talk to me."

He lets out an exasperated breath, "I feel like this is just an experiment to you. You aren't really attracted to me. You just want to see if this would work. If it would turn into something." He bites his lip and turns away.

"Is that what you think?" I look at him incredulously. "You think this is some sort of trial or test?" I pinch my lips together, holding in my rage. "This isn't a joke to me, Tobias. You of all people should know that."

He looks me in the eye, speechless. I turn away and stare at the front windshield.

"Tris I –" he starts.

"Just… don't. I'll see you at seven." I murmur.

He climbs out of the car and eyes me one more time. "Next time you ask for my opinion, don't get upset when I finally express It." he slams the door.

* * *

**Tobias POV**

I text her three hours later telling her that I am outside her house. I will be surprised if she even comes, honestly. She makes me so mad. So incredibly infuriated. I don't get it. She asks me to tell her what I'm thinking, but then kicks me out of the car because I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. I get that her emotions are more sensitive than most. She feels so much. She always has. But I have feelings too, right? I mean, I'm in love with her. She is the only thing on the earth I care about. Sometimes she just forgets that.

I jump in my seat when my car door is opened. Tris sits down, lips pursed. She's still mad. _Yay._

"Why did you come out the front door?" I ask her. She hands me a wadded up piece of paper.

_Going out of town for a few days._

_-Andrew_.

"Didn't leave me with anything." She whispers. "No money, no food…"

"I'm sorry." I say, facing her.

"Don't be. I've got the stash under my bed. And you know I hate it when you apologize about my dad." She snaps.

I slide closer to her. "I wasn't talking about your dad."

Her eyes meet mine for the first time, "then what are you sorry for?"

I narrow my face in so close I feel her hot breath on my lips. "I don't know. I just don't want to fight with you anymore."

The corners of her mouth twitch but she manages to maintain a frown. "I think you know why I'm mad."

Our noses touch and my stomach whirls. Her eyes find my lips and stare. I feel her breathing quicken and she tries to hide her smile again by biting her lip.

I grin and press my mouth to hers. She squirms and pulls away. "No. Drive. I'm still mad at you." But she can't hide the grin, which has been plastered her face, anymore.

I smirk and pull out of her driveway.

* * *

**SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I AM CURRENTLY REREADING HARRY POTTER AND HOGWARTS CANT WAIT!**

**R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R**

**-riley**


	8. Chapter 8

**LISTEN I AM SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO SORRY I HAVE NOT UPDATED IN 4000000 YEARS. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM GOING THROUGH LOTS RIGHT NOW AND I LOVE WRITING THIS STORY!**

We finish eating in silence. I'm not still mad at tobias, but i want him to believe i am. He's cute when he is desperate

"Tris," he whispers, "talk to me."

I bite my lip to stifle a smile, not saying anything.

"Im sorry, okay?" He takes my hand and meets my eyes, "i shouldn't have said that."

I throw a remaining french fry in my mouth, keeping quiet.

"If you don't talk to me i'm not paying."

I glare at him, "you are paying because i didn't bring my wallet."

His eyes bulge playfully, "she spoke!"

I roll my eyes, "shut up."

He puts on a smug grin and places a tip on the table. "Lets go home."

He grabs my hand and pulls me up out of the booth, walking hand and hand to the parking lot.

"You can spend the night, if you want." I mumble, chewing my lower lip.

"You sure?" He asks me. He cups my cheek, "i don't have too."

"No. I want you too!" I meet his dark eyes, "Andrew isn't here and you wont have to deal with Marcus."

"Okay." He grins, opening my front door.

The second it closes, i feel his hands on my waist as he spins me around. I jump in surprise, sounding a slight yelp when his mouth connects with mine.

He smiles on my lips and pushes me against the wall.

A warm ache runs through my stomach. I feel his touch everywhere. On my arms when he slides his palms down them. And on my chest, where his is pressed against mine. I shiver with his warm sensation.

My hands run through his hair and he moves his mouth to my neck, kissing it gently. I sigh in pleasure as he presses his lips to my tattoos- three ravens in flight. They represent my mother, who taught me three things: Be smart. Be generous. Be brave.

"You never told me about these." He whispers, sliding my shirt up my body.

"My ravens?" I ask, voice cracking. I don't want this to go further.

"Yeah." He grunts, slipping a hand under the waistband of my jeans. I stiffen my back, uncomfortable.

"My mom." I choke. He rips my shirt off my body completely. I feel water in my eyes. I cant do this.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. "Tobias stop!"

He pulls away, worried filled eyes glossing over mine. "What tris? Whats wrong? Are you okay? Did i hurt you?"

I take a shaky breath, "i cant... I cant do that. Not right now. I'm sorry."

I push away from him and walk up the stairs, or try too.

"Tris wait!" He calls, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward him.

I bite my lip, "im sorry. It's just everything with andrew and peter and... I'm...and im scared. I'm scared of it!"

A tear slips down my cheek. He wipes it away with his thumb. "Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. Listen to me." He tilts my chin up and stares into my eyes. "Despite everything that has happened to you, you have managed to be the reason i wake up everyday. I know that peter was an evil bastard. And i know that your dad is disgusting in every way. But that doesn't change the fact that you have limits, Tris. I'm so sorry. I am so so so sorry."

A tear rolls down my cheek and he pulls me into him. I clutch my hands together behind his back. "Thank you." I whisper, voice low with emotion,"Thank you."


	9. Chapter 9

"Tris what the hell?" I scream, running down the stairs.

"I dropped it!" She whines, "I'm sorry!"

Milk and cereal lay poured all **over** the floor. My teeth seethe in rage. My dad just mopped!

I don't know when i decide to, but i feel my palm collide against her cheek.

She whimpers in pain. "Tobias! Im sorry!"

In a grey blur, i wrap my hand around her throat and push her against the wall. Her head hits the hard surface with a loud bang.

**"**please!" She screams, gasping for air. "Please stop! Im sorry!"

I don't know where all this anger came from, but it has managed to bubble over every nerve in my body. All i can think about is how mad i am at her.

A tear slips down her cheek, "tobias." Tris whispers, "please."

My eyes shoot open and i feel a warm hand on my shoulder. "Tobias please wake up."

Tris is sprawled across my chest, wiping a tear across my cheek with her thumb.

It was just a dream.

I sit up and walk out of the room, not making eye contact with her.

I have that dream all the time, every night to be exact. But i have never told tris about it. This is the first time i have ever had it sleeping next to her though, and i don't like it. I walk into the bathroom and close the door. I feel a grumble in my stomach so i lean over the toilet and vomit into it. That dream, its so real. I can keep playing the image of my hand hitting her cheek over and over again. I throw up again, the contents in my mouth spilling into the water.

"Tobias," i hear a knock on the door, "are you okay?"

I wipe my mouth, stand up, and open the door, "yeah. Im good."

Her blue gray eyes meet mine, "are you sure?"

"Im fine." I walk past her, hands shaking.

**I know this is really short and im sososososoo sorry! I have a great idea for my next chapter so!**


	10. Chapter 10

When tobias and i pull into the school parking lot, he immediately gets out and walks to the entrance. He has been acting like this all morning, stand offish with his walls put up. "Tobias!" I call, grabbing his hand, "whats going on with you?"

He takes my palm and exhales, "just a dream. I'm good."

I lock my eyes on his, "what was it?"

He rolls his lips into his mouth, stiffening his entire posture, "nothing. Tris i am fine and we are running late, c'mon."

He pulls me through the hallway and into the doors of psychology. We have this class together, thank god.

He was right, we are late. Ten minutes late. So late that the whole class turns to stare and the teacher picks on you for the whole period. I feel my face heat up and walk to my seat, tobias on my heels.

"Is there a reason you feel the need to disrupt my class?" Mrs. Monroe asks, a threatening tone in her voice.

I wish i was Christina. She lives for situations like these. every eye on her, living like the world is her own show. She would be able to sweet talk her way out of this so easily everyone would think she was early.

But i'm not. I'm tris. And i hate people. I hate school. I hate talking. I hate my life. And if someone even looks at me the wrong way i want to curl up in a ball, cry, and hope that maybe the entire universe could go away forever.

I answer mrs. Monroe's question. Just not correctly: "i'm sort of required by law to he here. My bad if walking through the door ruined your entire lesson."

Tobias looks at me and grins cheekily. He loves this side of me, rude and full of snide remarks. I raise my eyebrows at him.

She licks he lips and glares, "as i was saying, today we are going to be practicing in a fear landscape. And since you, tris, are a lovely follower of the law, i think you should be the demonstration."

Molly, a girl that might as well be a female version of peter, raises her hand. "What does it have to do with psych?"

"I will monitor how your brain handles fear in the worst form. Psychologically and physically."

My stomach turns, "what happens if i don't do it?"

Mrs. Monroe smiles, "this is 60 percent of your grade, miss prior. If you do not participate, you will get a zero. And well, if you do not pass this class, you may not graduate. So, please come to the front of the class."

I close my eyes. I cant do this. The entire school will know about my home life. I start to breath heavily. Black dots line my vision as i make my way across the room. I stumble a little when i pass tobias' desk. He doesn't say anything as he takes my hand and squeezes. My vision goes clear again.

I soon find myself sitting in the chair across from my teacher as she injects a needle in my neck.

*******************page break*****************

Have you ever woken up from a dream, completely horrified but unable to recall what the dream was?

My eyes bolt open and i am gasping for breath. I feel eyes on me, lots of eyes. I look around and see the entire class gaping at me. I dont remember what i saw, but i can take a pretty good guess. It was my dad, doing non- fatherly things. I lick my lips and stand with wobbly legs. I see tobias across the room, his face full of worry. I bite the inside of my cheek.

I feel water in my eyes and as i sit down in my seat, all eyes still on me, i break out into a loud sob.

I feel a warm hand on my arm, "tris, come on." The voice is low and powerful. Everything i am not.

I stand and curl into him, gripping his shirt as we walk.

"This." He says loudly, "mrs. Monroe, is wrong. On so many levels."

Tobias opens the door and we walk out. Tears still streaming down my face.

**************lalalalalalala*************

Hey guys! I really like this chapter but in case you were wondering, i changed the effects of the landscape a little.

R&amp;R


	11. Chapter 11

"Tris hey," I touch the back of my hand to her forehead, "wake up."

She stirs, mumbling something incoherent under her breath.

"C'mon Tris." Her eyes open, and I meet them. "It's almost noon."

We didn't go to school again today. We haven't been since Monday. It's Thursday. She was, is, still pretty shaken up about the fear landscape thing, and I don't blame her. Something like that should never happen. Ever.

She licks her lips and wrinkles the bridge of her nose, "can we just lay here for a little while?"

I give her a half smile and nod, she pulls the covers up and I climb the bed with her.

Once we are settled, She closes her eyes, "thank you, tobias." I feel her hand slide up my arm and grip the sleeve of my shirt. "I don't tell you enough how appreciative I am of you. So, thank you."

I touch my lips to her forehead and run my palm down her hips, her legs are bare from wearing one of my old T-shirts. I feel my heartbeat pick up. "I wasn't going to tell you this before because I thought I would scare you, but I know better now." Her blue eyes meet mine and I swallow down the anxious nerves in my throat. "I think I'm in love with you. I know that I gave it away at Chris' party, but I feel diffrent than I did there. It's stronger. And I..." I run my hand through her hair, "I just thought you should know."

She smiles and pulls herself closer to me. I didn't expect her to say it back, I knew she wouldn't, but thats the only thing I want- the only thing I have wanted for the last seven years. I inhale her scent and squeeze her hand. before I can do anything, she places her lips on mine. I feel her everywhere. Her palm on my chest, her bare leg smooth on my arm. Everything she is, is everything I want to be. She is strong and smart and brave and powerful. My fingers tangle in her hair. She kisses me harder and sighs quietly in my mouth.

I pull away, knowing that if this goes any further, I won't be able stop. She gives me a knowing smile and closes her eyes. I fall asleep with my heart pumping in my chest.

***********pagebreak***********

I KNOW THIS IS SHORT AND I KNOW I HAVE NOT WRITTEN IN A WHILE IM SORRY.

BUT DID ANYONE SEE MOCKINGJAY BC KDJDJDJDKDNALEJDNJFALDJAKDHKAHS

R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R


	12. Chapter 12

Tris POV

"What the hell!?"_ My father's voice..._ I wake with a start. Tobias' arm is wrapped around me protectively. "What the hell is he doing in here?"

Tobias shifts and stares with wide eyes. I hear him curse under his breath. "Sir… I, um…" I close my eyes; _we can never catch a break._

And to make the situation worse, his shirt is off and I don't have any pants on. I know how this looks. "Dad, I can explain-"

"No!" he shouts, slamming the door. I jump. "You don't need to explain anything. I come home after three days and you're in bed with some boy- Marcus Eaton's boy! _God Beatrice, _you're such a slut. I will not stand for it!"

I bite my lip. Tobias' hand finds mine under the sheet. I squeeze it.

"Mr. Prior, this is a major misunderstanding. I can assure you-"

"You do not need to explain anything boy, get out!" Andrew opens the door again.

Tobias looks wearily at me, I nod with a frown. He slides out of the bed and puts on his shirt and, to my relief, he is wearing shorts. My dad clenches his jaw when Tobias walks past him. I struggle to catch my breath when he leaves.

_He isn't here anymore. He can't protect me anymore_. The thought runs through my head repeatedly, like a chant. I clench my fist.

"What. Exactly. Were. You. Thinking?" My dad spits. My fingers tremble.

"I'm sorry. We didn't do anything dad, I promise." I meet his eyes and then quickly look away.

I hear his footsteps loudly approaching and he backhands me across the cheek. Heat spreads through face instantly. "_Liar_." He hisses. "You are a slut _and_ a liar!"

I bite my lip to keep from crying out. My cheek throbs. _He isn't here anymore. He can't protect me anymore_. I close my eyes and picture Tobias here with me. My heart beat calms.

Andrew starts unbuckling his belt and I shiver, _the last time he did that_… "Stand up and turn around." He whispers.

I do what he says. Anything is better than...

The first hit is sudden and hard. I moan in pain. I feel my shirt rip on contact with the buckle. He hits me again. And again. And again and again and again. I lose count after thirteen. Or maybe I pass out. All I know is I wake up sitting against the wall, covered in sweat and blood.

I check the clock next to my bed, 4 am. _He isn't here anymore. He can't protect me anymore_. I wish he were still here. I wish he didn't _have_ to protect me anymore. I close my eyes and fall back asleep.

Maybe I can disappear…

* * *

"Tris… Tris hey." I feel a hand cup my cheek. I flinch in pain. It moves away. "Lets get you cleaned up."

Tobias carries me to the bathroom and turns on the water in the tub. He looks away when I take off my shirt, but I wish he didn't. It made this whole thing awkward. This isn't the first time we have done this and this isn't the first time he has seen me in my underwear, but it's the first time we've done this as a couple. A chill goes up my arm.

Tobias takes a cloth and some cold water and dabs at my back. I stiffen. The pain is ghastly. "You good?" he says in a low voice. I nod.

I'm glad he can't see my face. If he could, he would see that I'm not good. I haven't been good since my mom died and I want to be dead. I'm not good because I need him so much and I'm not ready for him to know and all I want is to run away with him.

I feel a hot tear slide down my cheek.

"I wish my mom was here," I whisper.

The towel drops from my back and Tobias faces me. "Me too."

I meet his eyes, "What, you hated your mom."

He grins a little, showing his front teeth. "No. I mean your mom. I wish she was here."

I look down at my intertwined fingers, "oh."

"Hey," he cups my cheek, (the one that isn't slapped) "Are you okay?"

I bite my lip, "physically?"

He soothes my hair down, combing his careful fingers through the knots. "No."

"Oh. I don't know." I climb off the edge of the tub and grab my shirt. Putting it on I whisper, "I've been through a beating before. But this one was different. It was about you."

"Tris," he murmurs, "That's what I want to talk about."

I meet his eyes.

"Whenever I'm around, you're in trouble with your dad. And if we're together, you're going to be in so much more danger with him."

I lick my lips, "What are you getting at Tobias?"

"Maybe we should… stop." He clutches the hem of his t-shirt like the sentence pains him.

"Stop what?" I whisper.

"Us."

I touch my palm to my stomach. It feels like he just punched me. "Oh."

He runs his hand through his hair. I fight back tears.

"Well," I whisper. "I guess you better go then." I open the door.

"Tris-" he starts.

"Don't." I choke. A lump has formed in my throat. "Please. Just don't."

He nods and walks through the door. "I love you." He grabs my hand.

"Please, just_ go_ Tobias." My voice is hoarse and scratchy and I want him to stay. Why am I telling him to leave? Beg him to stay. Plead him to stay.

He squeezes my hand and walks down the stairs. I wait for the front door to shut before I break down into a sob.

* * *

**SOSOSOSO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! (AND FOR THIS CHAPTER) **

**READ AND REVIEW **

**-RILEY**


	13. Chapter 13

It's been three days since he left. I'm a wreck. I haven't eaten anything, I haven't showered, and I haven't left my room. It isn't that I lost him romantically, its our whole relationship is gone. How can he just leave? We've been through so much and I need him more than anything else in the world.

I should have told him. I should have told him that I love him in the bathroom. Maybe he wouldn't be gone, maybe he would. But at least I wouldn't have this sickly feeling of regret hanging over me anytime I think about it.

I've promised myself this though, I won't cry over him anymore. I will not, no matter how much I miss him or want him. _He isn't here anymore. He can't protect me anymore._

I need some air. I climb out on the roof and sit down. _Please, dear god, Tobias _do not_ come out here. _

I should have brought my sweater. Fall is coming and the chill is bitter. I'm only wearing his old t-shirt and some shorts.

I wonder if will be alive for Christmas. Maybe I'll starve myself. I run my hands down my arms. Goosebumps have risen. I've thought about suicide before, but it's never been a serious option- I've always had Tobias. But now, I realize, that it might be available. I think of Tobias finding out I'm dead. _No, I could never do that to him. _

I picture him coming out here now- Climbing out of his window and sitting down next to me. He would be mad, first of all, at my poor choice in clothing and at how skinny I am at the moment. I know it. Missing twenty-seven meals can do that to a person. Then he would go back into his room, get a blanket and a granola bar, and give them to me.

God I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts. I miss talking to him and holding his hand and I miss the crease between his eyebrows and his careful movements.

_You're acting like he's dead, Tris. You're being petty. He dumped you. Get over it._

I stand. My back pops. I walk back inside and grab my phone. "Chris?"

"Tris! Where are you? You haven't been to school in since last week."

I lick my lips, "oh. Um, what day is it?"

"Wednesday. And its 12:00." She says. "Do you need me to come get you?"

"Please?" I whisper.

"Yeah," she says. I hear her move around through the phone. "I'll be right there."

I hear her car pull up in my driveway. I managed to put on some makeup and jeans. I still didn't eat, I can't. I'm not hungry. Ever.

I climb in the passenger seat of her car. "You look like hell." She says.

I nod, "I know."

She usually doesn't pry into my personal life, I told her I'm a closed-off person when we met, but I guess she can't resist it this time. "What's wrong?"

"He broke up with me." I whisper. I look down at my fingers in my lap. _Don't cry, Tris. No more tears._

I hear her suck in a breath. "What? Why?"

I shake my head. I could never explain it to her. One, I haven't told her the slightest detail about my home life. Two, I don't really know myself. He doesn't want to 'endanger' me anymore. What the fuck does that even mean, honestly? I've been endangered since the day my mom died, asshole.

She takes my hand and squeezes it. "I'm really sorry. Maybe it was for the best."

"I'm in love with him, Christina." I murmur. "It wasn't for the best."

We've arrived at the school and she parks. I climb out of the car and hurry towards the doors. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I _can't_ talk about this anymore.

I don't know if he is at school today or not. I guess I'll find out.

I walk into class quietly with my head down. _Please, please, please. _

I feel eyes on me when take my seat in the back of the room, _his_ eyes on me. My heart races and I clench my fist. _Don't cry. _I can't do this. I shouldn't have come. I thought coming would take my mind off of him but I was wrong. This is so much worse.

The bell rings and the teacher starts her lesson. I sneak a look at him. He has a black eye. His expression is placid but his posture isn't. I wonder if he missed me while he cleaned the blood out of his back.

_Does he even miss me at all? _

The second the period ends I run out. I make a beeline to the bathroom and throw myself in a stall. I feel a tear roll down my cheek. And another. And another. Before I know it I'm sobbing and I can't stop. I hate him. I hate him so goddamn much.

I hear the bathroom door open, "Tris?"

I cover my mouth with my hand and close my eyes. _Honestly…_

"Tris are you in here?" He asks again. The stall door opens.

"Tobias," I whisper, "Please…please just go."

He squats down in front of me, placing his palm on my knee. I shiver. "Are you all right?"

I want to roll my eyes. _No, I'm not all right_. "I'm fine."

"Hey." He says, cupping my cheek in his hand. I push it away. "Look at me."

I meet his eyes. They take me to safe places. "I'm sorry. Tris. I'm so, _so _sorry. I was stupid and-"

I smack him across the face.

My palm burns from the impact.

Then I stand and try to walk around him. I make it to the sink outside the stall before he grabs my hand. "What…" he mumbles, "What did you do that for?"

I shake my head, "Why do you care?"

"Tris..." He runs a hand through his hair, "Tris I love you. And I miss you and I'm sorry."

"Tobias I have been in hell." I say, my voice finding strength. "You do not get to come in and out of my life as you please. I thought you were always going to be there for me and you just left. You left me standing in the bathroom and I… I hate you!" I shout. A hot tear rolls down my cheek. "I hate you so much."

I feel his arms come and wrap around me, warm and solid.

I push him away. "No, Tobias." I look at my shoes. "No."

"Tris I said I was sorry." He puts his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah." I say, "You also said that we should stop. So here I am. Stopping!"

"Hey." He whispers, "don't be like that…"

"I have to go to class." I say, walking past him.

"Tris wait!" he calls after me. I bite my lip and walk out the door.

* * *

**Hello everyone! i love this chapter tons and i don't know why... TRIS YOU GO GIRL!**

**R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R**

**-riley**


	14. Chapter 14

Tobias POV

God I'm such an idiot. I've never regretted something so much in my life. I just keep reliving Tris pushing me away in the bathroom over and over again. And she was so skinny- so, _so _thin. Has she had anything to eat at all? _What did I do?_

I look out my window and see that she's sitting on the roof. _One more shot Tobias, you've got one more chance to win her back._

I climb through; blanket and breakfast bar in hand, I hop from my roof to hers. "Can I sit?" I ask.

She frowns, keeping her eyes on the ground below, "I'd rather you not."

I squat down beside her, "Well, here." I hand her the bar and wrap the blanket around her shoulders. "Please eat it, Tris."

She looks up at me, blue eyes piercing. "I don't want anything from you." She whispers, setting the bar down at my feet. Her wrist is so small. Why isn't she eating?

I bite my lip. _I hate myself so fucking much._ "You've got to eat something, Tris."

"If I eat it, will you go away?" she asks.

"No."

She clenches her jaw, "I'm not even hungry."

"Tris," I sit down beside her. She tenses. "When was the last time you ate something?"

"I don't know."

I lick my lips, "what do you mean you don't know?"

She looks at me with exasperation, "I mean I don't know when my last meal was. Why do you care anyway?"

"Tris I love you and I care about you I just-"

"I better go." She stands, lip trembling.

I grab her hand. "Please. I'm so sorry."

She turns around; face splotchy. "Tobias, _what do you want_?" Her voice shakes.

I feel like I'm going to collapse, every nerve in me is reaching and straining to hold her; to wrap her in my arms and never let go. "You." I whisper. "I want _you_."

"It's not that easy!" she shouts. "I lost all of my trust for you. I was going to tell you that I love you in the bathroom that morning. Did you know that?"

I shake my head. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry-"

She runs both hands through her hair in frustration, "Stop saying that! I know you're sorry, Tobias! But sorry doesn't cut it sometimes and I needed you and you left. I still need you. I needed you yesterday and I need you today and I'll need you tomorrow. And that scares me! I shouldn't need you so much because one day you could leave and I won't know what to do with myself. That's why I'm so upset. You shouldn't get to have so much control over me and when you left I just…"

In one small step she reaches me and places her lips to mine. My world spins. My knees shake. I wrap my arm around her waist. Her hands are in my hair. I feel her everywhere. She is setting my skin on fire and turning my blood to ice. _I love her._

She pulls away, biting her lip. "I'm so scared." She mumbles.

"I'm terrified." I say. She kisses me again.

I let her go and she grabs the breakfast bar out of my hand and takes a bite. A grin makes its way on my face. We sit down and she places her head on my shoulder. _This is normal. This is good. This is how things should be._

"I don't know what I was thinking, Tris. I just thought that if I was gone-"

She places a finger to my lips, "Shh. I know; it's okay."

"Okay." I bite my lip. "I love you, you know."

She smiles, "I know." _Say it back, Tris. Say. It. back._

She looks up at the stars and closes her eyes. "I think I'm in love with you, Tobias. I just can't put everything in it right now. Who knows when you'll take off again?"

"Tris…" I whisper. "I'm not leaving you again." I take her hand.

A smile forms on her lips. "Promise? Like I mean really, _really_ promise?"

"I promise." I say. She squeezes my hand.

"I love you, Tobias Eaton. I love you so much."

* * *

**i was gonna push them getting back together to another chapter but i got so much hate lol**

**BUT ARE YOU GUYS HAPPY NOW?**

**R&amp;R&amp;R&amp;R**

**-Riley**


	15. Chapter 15

Hey guys! i'm so sorry to tell you this, but i have lost interest and ideas for this story. I am _so _sorry but i think i'm going to take a break. **BUT IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS WITH WHAT I SHOULD DO, PLEASE TELL ME.** i think if i can get an idea, than i can start writing again.

**PS. i have started another story called "Chicago University" and i am updating regularly if you guys want to check it out.**

**PPS. again, SOSOSOSO sorry**

**-riley**


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